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Big League Chewing
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Major League Baseball is ready and geared up to ban chewing tobacco. If the umpires of political correctness are striving to call Strike Three on smokeless tobacco, what might next befall America’s favorite summer afternoon pastime? The problem with banning the “dip” is this: Where will it all stop? Shall we ban ballpark hot dogs? Toss out peanuts? Consign buttered popcorn to the trash bin? How can those running the stadiums in good conscience add to the adipose of baseball aficionados by serving such abundant quantities of hot dogs, sodas and other unhealthy offerings? If ever the health police were needed, surely it is here. While we’re at it, what about that blazing sun overhead? Has anyone in charge considered the incidence of skin cancer caused by exposure to the sun’s rays for nine full innings? Isn’t there some way we could ban that hot sun? Or at least, couldn’t we change the schedule to eliminate all afternoon games? Wait a minute! The artificial lighting produced at night games isn’t really good for you, either. It will be good to know that the powers that be are looking out to ensure that your trip to America’s Pastime is a pleasant, healthy one. Because the way things are today, baseball is a dangerous game for players and fans alike. -George Berkin
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